BtO Scoop:Sold at Auction, Memoir of Spurned Puppy for $12M

This just in, in a Boxing the Octopus exclusive. In a twelve million dollar auction deal, an as-yet undisclosed major New York publisher has secured the memoirs of little Otto Zelznik, an "adorable puppy passed over" for the job of White House dog by the the Obama family. Otto, who claims his canine dander is protected under Section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act, had already come to think of Sasha and Malia, Barack and Michelle as "his people" and was making plans for a special line of commemorative White House biscuits when he was cruelly shoved back into an airline carrier and forced to settle for adoption by outgoing Vice President Dick Cheney, whom Otto claims has "absolutely no damned sense of humor" regarding puddles left in the center of his bedspread.

To make matters worse, the now-deeply-embittered Otto claims he sacrificed "a matched set of globular organs and the happy possibility of fatherhood" to his possible gig at White House Dog in Chief. "Far be it from me to be a whiner," Otto growls, "but somebody owes me a g-d new set of nuggets."

When questioned about whether a chewed section of Oval Office carpet and a possible tax "oversight" may have been to blame for his reduced circumstances, Otto had no verbal comment, but rolled over and piddled on himself in reply.


Joni Rodgers said…
In a related story, ghostwriter Joni Rodgers has signed on to co-author Zelnick's memoir.

(I'm envisioning a timely and important "Marley & Me" meets "Nicholas Nickleby" with Didionesque reflection on the nugget-grieving process.)
Since you're on the inside of this story, is there any truth to the rumor that the book with be titled Diary of a Pissed Puppy?
Joni Rodgers said…
Either that or "It's Not About the Nuggets"...
TJ Bennett said…
Or how about "Who's Your Doggy Daddy?"

Too funny...

Sephera said…
I love it. I'm terrible with April Fool's jokes, but his is a whoot! No wonder you're a world famous fiction writer.
Nancy Kay Bowden said…
Brilliant! :)
Suzan Harden said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzan Harden said…
ROFLMAO This is the best April Fool's blog I've read today.

And I was laughing so hard I couldn't type in the previous comment...
What's scary is that it's sufficiently plausible that a number of people expressed outrage (without reading carefully).

Glad you all enjoyed. Happy April Fool's Day!

Btw, still cracking up over "It's Not About the Nuggets."
Kim Lenox said…
Oh, you guys! Too funny!

LOL, I have a beagle - cute picture.
I just hope he's not as foul-mouthed as Otto. ;)
EmilyBryan said…
My Jack Russell didn't find the story funny (he, too, was bereft of nuggets), but my sides still hurt!
Colleen, you are so funny! I deliberately avoided the Net yesterday (cause I need to write...), but I had to look at this one. Thanks for the laugh!

Diary of a Pissed Puppy.

That's funny, Emily, my girl pups were howling. ;) Btw, I loved Vexing the Viscount!

Glad you enjoyed, Jen! And I'm so looking forward to The Madness of Ian MacKenzie! Great reviews!

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